You may often feel confused about how to address people properly.Many feel embarrassed to ask the question,“What should I call you?” For instance,many women don’t know how to address their boy-friend’s mother.On the other side,some parents don’t know what to call their children’s teacher.
Why is “What should I call you?” such a difficult question to ask? Perhaps it’s because you are asking the other person to provide their status or position in relationship to yours.This position may include age,job,education,religion and even marital status.
In our casual society,it is natural to use first names immediately upon meeting strangers (“Hi John,nice to meet you.I’m Clara.”).But it is not proper etiquette.When one is first introduced to someone,only relatives or children can be addressed with first names.Otherwise,one should address another as “Mr./Ms.(last name)”.It is regarded appropriate to be addressed by one’s first name once a friendship is established (“Please call me Shirley now that we are friends.”) In formal situations,use formal titles unless the people you meet tell you otherwise.To draw someone’s attention you can say: “Excuse me,Sir” or “Pardon me,Madam/Ma’am.” To greet someone you can say: “Hello Sir” or “Good morning,Madam/Ma’am.”
A title is a prefix or suffix added to a person’s name to emphasize either veneration,an official position or a professional or academic qualification.Titles may even be inserted between a first and last name in some languages.Here are the formal titles for English speakers:
◇Sir (adult male of any age);
◇Ma’am (adult female for North American);
◇Madam (adult female);
◇Mr.+ last name (any man);
◇Mrs.+ last name (married woman who uses her husband’s last name);
◇Ms.+ last name (married or unmarried woman; common in business);
◇Miss + last name (unmarried woman);
◇Dr.+ last name (some doctors go by Dr.+ first name);
◇Professor + last name (in a university setting).
While professional,academic,religious,military and political titles,such as “Judge”,“Colonel”,“Mayor”,“Reverend”,“Senator”,“Doctor”,“Professor”,etc.,are suitable for social situations,no offense should be taken by anyone when being referred to with the titles “Mr.”,“Ms.”,“Mrs.” and “Miss” in America,as the United States is theoretically an egalitarian society,and other honorifics are not considered to show their higher social status.
The stand-alone honorifics “Miss” (for female children) or “Ma’am” (for adult ladies) may be used for a person whose surname is unknown.“Sir” (for all gentlemen regardless of age),“Mister” should not be used on its own (as in,“Excuse me,Mister”) for it sounds impolite or foreign (“Seňor” is used as both a title and honorific in Spanish,and the literal translation is often mistakenly assumed to be appropriate in English as well by native Spanish speakers).“Young lady” or “Young man” is only proper to address pre-adolescents,as these titles are usually taken as patronizing.
“Ms.” is considered the better default title to be addressed in conjunction with any woman’s name regardless of marital status,unless she indicates another preference.Generally,the title “Miss” was suitable for use by unmarried women,and “Mrs.” for married women.Different combinations of titles,the woman’s given and family names,and/or those of her husband have become acceptable.Any person’s personal preference should be respected once it is made known.
Never give yourself an honorific.For instance,it can be improper to say: “Hello,my name is Dr.Garcia.” Better to say: “Hello,my name is Sara Garcia.I am Chief of Cardiology at St.John’s Hospital.” This introduction makes another person feel more comfortable.It is also simpler to start a conversation with your self-introduction.
There are complex rules regarding proper usage of political titles in the etiquette-related field known as protocol.
Sometimes you may have an intimate relationship with someone who typically gets called Sir,Madam,Mr.or Mrs.(For instance,a business executive,a notable,a professor or a person older than you).At some point this person may give you permission to address his/her first name.In English,the phrase “on a first name basis” or “on first name terms” is used to describe a relationship that is not as formal as it seems it should be.Casual or intimate relationships need an informal form of address:
◇First name (friends,students,children);
◇Miss/Mr.+ first name (sometimes used by dance or music teachers or childcare workers).
Even if the person does not realize it,the use of a first name is a privilege.Using honorifics shows your professionalism and sophistication.Today,proper etiquette suggests using an honorific in any situation in which you are addressing a person of authority or distinction.It is always better to err on the side of formality rather than informality.
When addressing a child,a romantic partner,or an intimate friend or family member (usually younger) people often use these terms of endearment,also known as “pet names”:
◇Honey (child,romantic partner,or younger person);
◇Dear;
◇Sweetie;
◇Love;
◇Darling;
◇Babe or Baby (romantic partner);
◇Pal (father or grandfather calls male child);
◇Buddy or Bud (very informal between friends or adult-to-child; can be regarded as negative).
Here are some etiquette tips for using titles when addressing other people:
◇To Address a Teacher or a Tutor: Start formal.He/She will likely tell you on the first day during the self-introduction.If not,use a formal title,until he/she tells you otherwise.Using the generic term “Teacher” is improper,for this sounds as if you do not know your teacher’s name.(You wouldn’t want to be called “Student”,right?) Even if you have a substitute teacher,make sure to address the instructor by a specific name.
◇To Address Fellow Students: Depends on ages.Students call each other by first names,in most classroom situations.You may have a few older students in your class.Address these people by their last name in order to show your respect,unless they ask you to use their first name.
◇To Address Child’s Teacher: Start with Mr.or Mrs.Address your child’s teacher as your child calls him/her.The teacher may give you permission to use his/her first name when your child is not present.
◇To Address People Online: Depends on the situation.You can usually use first names on a social network,even with teachers and administrators.While in an email,use a formal form to address a person you contact for the first time.The other person will probably respond by signing with just a first name.In your next email you can safely address that person by their first name.
◇To Address School Administrator: Formal.Use a formal address until he/she tells you otherwise.
◇To Address Homestay Parents: Start formal.Use Mr.or Mrs./Ms.with the last name until he/she tells you differently.
◇To Address Neighbors: Depends on your ages.Neighbors usually call each other with first names,though it bases on your age and theirs.Introduce yourself using your first name and wait to see how they introduce themselves.If your neighbor is older you can ask the question during the second meeting,“Is it okay if I call you (his/her first name)?”
◇To Address Colleagues: Depends on the industry.In many businesses people address each other with their first names.If you are the new employee,other people will introduce themselves to you.
◇To Address Supervisor or Manager: Start formal.Although this person calls you by your first name,address them as Mr.or Mrs./Ms.with the last name until they permit you to use their first name.
◇To Address the Bus Driver: Formal.Use Sir or Madam/Ma’am for any type of transportation worker who is not wearing a nametag.Don’t address in this way: “Excuse me,‘bus driver’.” That is his or her job,not title.
◇To Address Your Friend’s Parents: Formal.Children and youth should use Mr.or Mrs./Ms.with the last name.If your friends permit you to call their parents by their first names,it is still polite to ask the parents,“Is it okay if I call you (his/her first name)?” If you and your friend are also adults you can probably use their parents’ first names.
◇To Address a Waiter/Waitress/Flight Attendant: Formal or first name.Use Sir or Madam/Ma’am if you don’t know their first names.Do not use “Hey waiter!” or “Hey waitress!” which is considered impolite by the restaurant staff and you will probably not receive friendly service.If you are a regular customer,you will establish a relationship with the restaurant or café staff.Then you can address the staff by their first names.
◇To Address Hairstylist or Beauty Care Worker: First name.In the beauty industry most people would like to use their first names.Some may have nicknames,you can address their nicknames when you are permitted.
◇To Address a Customer Service Clerk: Check for nametag.Some clerks (or restaurant servers) wear name tags,which say,“Hi,my name is Danny.” In this case it is okay to address his first name: “Thank you,Danny” or “Danny,could you help me find the hamburgers?” If there is no nametag,use Sir or Ma’am.