These days,people often meet one another online through profile pictures and personal descriptions—rather than face-to-face,which makes it more difficult to share smiles and get a feel for one another’s energy.Gender roles have become more equal and less distinct,which might seem to make the proper dating etiquette of this generation’s parents or grandparents seem outdated.While no matter how the relationship landscape has changed recently,good dating manners is still of great importance when it comes to the process of getting to know someone romantically.
■Direct Language
Most people haven’t said anything as straightforward as “I like you—will you go out have a date with me?” since their middle school years.Today,there are lots of ambiguous requests for dates,such as “Want to hang out sometime?” or “Maybe we could do something together one of these days...” As men and women find themselves on equal social position—performing gender roles to a lesser degree.The bottom line is that their intentions should be clarified.Asking someone if she would like to have dinner on Friday night will give that person the option to accept or decline your invitation,with a clear understanding of what you’re asking.
■Scheduling
It’s a good dating manner to ask someone out with plenty of time to plan.A clear time table means different things to different people,as some people have full arrangement a month in advance,but the general rule of thumb is to ask for a date at least a week ahead of schedule.In addition,when planning the outing,it’s better to avoid surprises and let the date know the destination.That way,she can dress properly for a fine restaurant,the opera or an amusement park and fast-food joint.
■Declining an Invitation
There’s proper etiquette in asking someone out,so of course there’s proper etiquette in turning down an invitation.And when this happens,honesty is the best policy.Don’t make up an imaginary boy-friend or girl-friend in the hopes that you won’t hurt someone’s feelings; it might give them hope that you’ll be available sometime in the future.If you’re truly uninterested in your date,politely decline with something as simple as,“Thank you,but I’m not interested in starting a relationship.” If,however,you are interested but unavailable on the requested day,offer up another specific day.A date can be finalized between two interested people and their calendars.
■Focus on the Date
When on a date,focus on the person you’re with.You don’t want to end a date with the realization that your date knows a lot about you,but you know nothing about your date.The conversation should be a fairly equal exchange,and people like a person who knows how to be a good listener.Silence the cell phone,and don’t take more interest in those around you than your date.Also,read your date’s non-verbal cues.Is she ready to change topics? Go with the flow rather than forcing any agenda.In theory,if one date goes well,there will be other dates for getting to know one another more fully.
■Who Pays the Bill?
There is conflicting advice on who should pay for a date.Traditionally,the man always pays.Nowadays,however,many couples would like to go Dutch (each paying his or her own way).Some experts may also suggest that the asker should pay for the date.However,if the asker would like to go Dutch,that should be clarified during the asking.If you’ve been asked out and are not sure of who will pay,it’s wise not to assume anything and bring some cash with you.
■Little Habits
If you’re a smoker,you’d better not to light up while walking with your date outside.Do you absolute best to control the bad habits during your date.Such as chewing with your mouth open noisily,nervous twitches,foot tapping or drumming fingers.If you’re a chronic complainer,or can only seem to talk about work,be aware of it in advance and consciously alter that behavior as much as possible.If you really enjoy talking about religion,politics or sex over your first meal with a new person—save it.Think of other topics ahead of time so you’ll never be at a loss for mannerly conversation.
■Endings and Afterwards
Even if the date goes well,don’t assume a kiss is a given.And if you’re unsure how the date went for you,don’t disappoint your date by saying something you don’t feel,such as,“I had a wonderful time,let’s do it again.” Instead,find a polite way to say what you really feel.If you’re not sure,comment on the restaurant or movie—and thank the person for an evening out.When two people are interested in one another and brave enough to say directly,the end of a date is a great time to plan the next one—and maybe even have that first kiss.Unless the end of a date is obviously the end of shared relationship,phone calls,emails and text messages are sure to follow.There’s no need to play guessing games over when to call—don’t wait too long,and communicate when you want to communicate.Just don’t make so many calls or send so many messages that you scare away someone who likes you.