喬治·吉辛/George Gissing
喬治·吉辛（1857—1903），英國小說家、散文家。出身貧寒，曾在曼徹斯特讀書，畢業後去倫敦謀生。1880年後以教書為生，同時編輯撰寫小說，內容多是描寫下層貧苦群眾，是最善於寫陰暗麵的一個作家。生前賞識他的人不多，直到20世紀，其作品的價值才漸漸為人所發掘。
Nevertheless,my life is over.
What a little thing!I knew how the philosophers had spoken;I repea ted their musical phrases about the mortal span--yet never till now beli eved them.And this is all?A man's life can be so brief and so vain?I dly would I persuade myself that life,in the true sense,is only now be ginning;that the time of sweat and fear was not life at all,and that i t now only depends upon my will to lead a worthy existence.That may be a sort of consolation,but it does not obscure the truth that I shall ne ver again see possibilities and promises opening before me.I have "reti red," and for me as truly as for the retired tradesman,life is over.I can look back upon its completed course,and what a little thing!I am t empted to laugh;I hold myself within the limit of a smile.
And that is best,to smile not in scorn,but in all forbearance,wit hout too much self-compassion.After all,that dreadful aspect of the th ing never really took hold of me;I could put it by without much effort.Life is done--and what matter?Whether it has been,in sum,painful or e njoyable,even now I cannot say--a fact which in itself should prevent m e from taking the loss too seriously.What does it matter?Destiny with the hidden face decreed that I should come into being,play my little pa rt,and pass again into silence;is it mine either to approve or to rebe l?Let me be grateful that I have suffered no intolerable wrong,no terr ible woe of flesh or spirit,such as others--alas!alas!--have found in their lot.Is it not much to have accomplished so large a part of the mo rtal journey with so much ease?If I find myself astonished at its brevi ty and small significance,why,that is my own fault;the voices of thos e gone before had sufficiently warned me.Better to see the truth now,a nd accept it,than to fall into dread surprise on some day of weakness,and foolishly to cry against fate.I will be glad rather than sorry,and think of the thing no more.
然而，我的人生已經逝去。
生命是多麽渺小！我知道哲學家們曾說過的話，我曾反複吟誦他們關於人生苦短的如歌語句——但，時至今日我才相信他們的話。這就是一切嗎？一個人的生命怎可如此短暫，如此空虛？我徒然說服自己：真正意義上的生活才剛剛起步，汗水和恐懼相隨的日子根本不是生活，是否讓生活變得很有價值現在仍然取決於我。也許這是自我安慰，但它不能把這樣一個事實變得含糊不清，那就是：機會和前途之門將不會再向我敞開。時至當前，我已“退居二線”，實實在在無異於一個退休商人，生命已經結束。我可以回顧已走完的人生曆程，感歎它的渺小！我忍不住想要大笑一番，可我控製住自己，隻是微微一笑。
微笑，一方麵帶著竭力的忍耐而不是輕視，另一方麵又不可過分地自怨自憐，這樣便是最好的。畢竟，我從未真正地被困在事情最糟的境遇裏，我尚且可以輕鬆地脫身在外。生命完結了——那又怎樣？它究竟是苦是樂，我現在都得不出個結論。是不是事實本身就不需要我這般患得患失呢？有什麽關係呢？命運永遠不會顯露真麵目，它召令我的降生，要我扮演那小小角色，然後一切重歸沉寂。對此我是順從，還是叛逆？我心存感激，感激自己沒有像別人一樣遭遇不可吞忍的冤屈，還有那肉體或心靈上慘重的創傷——唉！唉！我在他們身上所瞥見的這種種冤屈和創傷！人生大部分旅程都安寧地走過，難道還不能讓我知足嗎？假使我驚詫於生命的短促和空虛，這錯誤也是我自己親手釀就的啊！先逝的人們對我敲響警鍾：最好現在就看清並接受真理，不然，日後必將陷入驚恐，但卻軟弱得束手無策，隻能愚蠢地呼天搶地，哀怨連連。我寧願高興，而不願悔恨，我也將不再胡思亂想。