佚名/Anonymous
I was not a particularly happy child,and like most teenagers,I rev eled in my angst.One day,however,it occurred to me that I was taking the easy way out.Anyone could be unhappy;it took no courage or effort.True challenge lay in struggling to be happy.
The notion that we have to work at happiness comes as news to many p eople.We assume it's a feeling that comes as a result of good things th at just happen to us,things over which we have little or no control.
But the opposite is true:happiness is largely under our control.It is a battle to be waged and not a feeling to be awaited.
To achieve a happier life,it's necessary to overcome some stumbling blocks,three of which are:
Comparison with Others
Most of us compare ourselves with anyone we think is happier-a rela tive,an acquaintance or,often,someone we barely know.I once met a yo ung man who struck me as particularly successful and happy.He spoke of his love for his beautiful wife and their daughters,and of his joy at b eing a radio talk-show host in a city he loved.I remember thinking he w as one of those lucky few for whom everything goes effortlessly right.
Then we started talking about the Internet.He blessed its existence,he told me,because he could look up information on multiple sclerosis-the terrible disease afflicting his wife.I felt like a fool for assum ing nothing unhappy existed in his life.
Images of Perfection
Almost any of us have images of how life should be.The problem,of course,is that only rarely do people's jobs,spouses and children live up to these imagined ideals.
Here's a personal example:No one in my family had ever divorced.I assumed that marriage was for life.So when my wife and I divorced three years after the birth of our son,my world caved in.I was a failure in my own eyes.
I later remarried but confided to my wife,Fran that I couldn't shak e the feeling that my family life had failed.She asked me what was wron g with our family now (which included her daughter from a previous marri age and my son).I had to admit that,aside from the pain of being with my son only half the time (my ex-wife and I shared custody),our family life was wonderful.
"Then why don't you celebrate it?" she asked.
That's what I decided to do.But first I had to get rid of the image of a "perfect" family.
"Missing Tile" Syndrome
One effective way of sabotaging happiness is to look at something an d be fixated on even the smallest flaw.It's like looking up at a filed ceiling and concentrating on the space where one tile is missing.As a b ald man told me,"Whenever I enter a room,all I see is hair."
I've spent years studying happiness,and one of the most significant conclusions I've drawn is this:there is little correlation between the circumstances of people's lives and how happy they are.A moment's refle ction should make this obvious.We all know people who have had a relati vely easy life yet are essentially unhappy.And we know people who have suffered a great deal but generally remain happy.
The first secret is gratitude.All happy people are grateful.Ungrat eful people cannot be happy.We tend to think that being unhappy leads p eople to complain,but it's truer to say that complaining leads to peopl e becoming unhappy.
The second secret is realizing that happiness is a by-product of som ething else.The most obvious sources are those pursuits that give our l ives purpose-anything from studying insects to playing baseball.The mo re passions we have,the more happiness we're likely to experience.
Finally,the belief that something permanent transcends us and that our existence has some larger meaning can help us be happier.We need a spiritual or religious faith,or a philosophy of life.Your philosophy s hould encompass this truism:if you choose to find the positive in virtu ally every situation,you will be blessed,and if you choose to find the awful,you will be cursed.As with happiness itself,this is largely you r decision to make.
我以前並不是一個非常快樂的孩子，像大多數十幾歲的孩子一樣，我總是沉浸在自己的煩惱中。但是，有一天，我豁然開朗：經都有可能不快樂，那不需要任何勇氣或努力，真正的挑戰就在於，你努力想使自己快樂。
也許很多人都未曾聽說過，快樂也要付出努力。我們通常認為，當我們很難控製或無法控製的好事降臨時，快樂才隨之而來。
然而，事實剛好相反：在很大程度上，我們自己控製著快樂。快樂是努力爭取的成果，而不是等待的結果。
要讓生活更加快樂，我們必須掃除一些絆腳石，以下是其中三個：
與他人攀比
大多數人都喜歡與自認為比自己快樂的人比較——親戚、熟人，或者是我們不甚了解的人。我曾經遇到一個年輕人，他的巨大成功和快樂讓我羨慕不已。他說他非常愛自己漂亮的妻子和女兒們，也為能在自己喜歡的城市做一個電台脫口秀節目主持人而感到高興。我記得當時以為他是那些為數不多的幸運兒之一，一切都那麽輕而易舉。
然後我們談到了因特網，他告訴我，他感激它的存在，因為從網上能查到大量硬化症的信息——他的妻子一直承受著這種可怕疾病的折磨。我現在還記得，當時竟愚蠢地認為他的生活沒有絲毫不快。
完美主義
幾乎每個人都對自己的生活有一番設想，可問題是，人們的工作、配偶和孩子很少能達到理想的境地。
就拿我的親身經曆來說：我的家族中以前從未有人離過婚，我也認為結婚是一輩子的事。所以，當我和妻子在兒子出生三年後離婚時，覺得整個世界都崩塌了，我認定自己是一個失敗者。
後來，我向再婚的妻子弗蘭訴苦：我認為自己的家庭生活已經失敗，而這樣的感覺一直無法擺脫。她問我，我們現在的家庭（包括她和前夫的女兒，我的兒子）有什麽問題嗎？我必須承認，除了隻有一半的時間與兒子相處，令我感到痛苦外（我和前妻分擔監護權），我們的家庭生活非常美滿幸福。
“那麽，為什麽你不因此而慶幸呢？”她問道。
我正決定這樣做，前提是我必須清除想象中的“完美家庭”。
“缺失的磚塊”綜合征
緊盯著某瑕疵會極大地破壞幸福，就像抬頭看天花板，注意力隻集中在缺失一塊瓷磚的地方。正如一個禿頂的人告訴我：“無論何時走進一個房間，我看到的全是頭發。”
我花了幾年時間研究快樂，得出的最重要的結論之一是：人們感受快樂的程度，與他們的生活條件並無太大關聯。隻要聯係一下現實，這個結論便顯而易見了。我們都知道，一些人的生活相對安逸，卻並不快樂；我們也知道，有些人遭受了巨大的痛苦，卻仍舊很開心。
第一個秘訣是感恩的心。所有快樂的人都滿懷感激，而不知感恩的人則感受不到快樂。我們以為，不快樂的人才會一味地抱怨，事實上，正是抱怨使人們變得不快樂。
第二個秘訣是認識到快樂是一種其他事情的副產品。快樂最主要的根源在於，是追求讓我們的生活有了目的——從研究昆蟲到打棒球。我們擁有更多的**，就會感受到更多的快樂。
最後，相信某種永恒會超越我們，我們的存在有更偉大的意義，這些會幫助我們享受更多快樂。我們需要精神上或宗教上的信仰，或是一種生活的哲理。你的人生哲學應該包括這個公認的真理：如果你在任何情況下都選擇發現事實的積極麵，你就會感到快樂；如果選擇關注消極麵，你就會痛苦。快樂本身，在很大程度上取決於你所作的決定。