瓦蕾麗·斯馬特/Valerie Smart
When I was a child, my mother taught me to smile and to be polite. She taught me not to talk too loud or laugh too hard, and to always have a breath mint in my pocket. She taught me to brush my hair before I went next door to play, to wear a pretty nightgown to the sleepover, and to wear a flowered dress to the science fair, because that’s what“others”thought was appropriate. She also taught me to listen more than I talk, which I have always had trouble doing.
From my mother I learned, as a child, to place matching hand towels in the bathroom when company visits and to cash in a savings bond if that’s what it takes to feed your guests. I learned that to prevent family feuds, you walked on eggshells all day on Christmas and Thanksgiving, and had the in-laws over for breakfast, the other side of the family over for lunch, and all of your teenagers’friends over for dessert. As I grew up, my mother grew wiser. By the time I was an adult, I’d learned that when I was a child, my mother hadn’t said no to other people as often as she should have.
While I’ll always be heartbroken that she became a widow at the young age of forty-six. I’ll always be grateful that I came to know my mother as an independent woman afterward. I watched her shed the stereotypes of a woman raised in the 1950s, and I now relish the fact that sometimes she, too, has ice cream for dinner.
From my mother I learned, as an adult, to give yourself what you want, because no one else may ever do it. I learned to laugh and laugh and laugh, because life is too difficult when you don’t. I learned that if you dislike your in-laws or other family members or anyone else, you don’t have to fake it, because life is too short to put on appearances and to worry about what others might think.
I learned that it’s okay not to make the bed, not to iron your jeans, and to leave a pile of dishes in the sink, as long as you take time to sit on the kitchen floor and make Play-Doh snakes with your child. I learned that it’s perfectly acceptable to serve your guests a bag of chips and iced tea, if that’s all you have in the house.