It's a strange phenomenon how difficult people find it to love them selves.One would think it is the easiest thing in the world,because we're constantly concerned with ourselves.We're always interested in ho w much we can get,how well we can perform,how comfortable we can be.S o with all that,why is it so difficult to actually love oneself?
Loving oneself certainly doesn't mean indulging oneself.Really lov ing is an attitude towards oneself that most people don't have,because they know quite a few things about themselves which are not desirable.E verybody has innumerable attitudes,reactions,likes and dislikes which they'd be better off without.Judgment is made and while one likes one's positive attitudes,one dislikes the others.With that comes suppres sion of those aspects of oneself that one is not pleased with.One doesn't want to know about them and doesn't acknowledge them.That's one w ay of dealing with oneself,which is detrimental to growth.
Another unskillful way is to dislike that part of oneself which appe ars negative and every time it arises one blames oneself,which makes ma tters twice as bad as they were before.With that comes fear and very of ten aggression.If one wants to deal with oneself in a balanced way,it's not useful to pretend that the unpleasant part doesn't exist,those aggressive,irritable,sensual,conceited tendencies.If we pretend we a re far from reality and put a split into ourselves.Even though such a p erson may be totally sane,the appearance given is that of not being qui te real.We've all come across people like that,who are too sweet to b e true,as a result of pretense and suppression.Blaming oneself doesn't work either.In both instances one transfers one's own reactions to o ther people.One blames others for their deficiencies,real or imagined,or one doesn't see them as ordinary human beings.Everyone lives in an unreal world,because it's ego-deluded,but this one is particularly un real,because everything is considered either as perfectly wonderful or absolutely terrible.
The only thing that is real is that we have six roots within us.Thr ee roots of good and three roots of evil.The latter are greed,hate and delusion,but we also have their opposites,generosity,loving-kindness and wisdom.Take an interest in this matter.If one investigates this an d doesn't get anxious about it,then one can easily accept these six ro ots in everybody.No difficulty at all,when one has seen them in onesel f.They are the underlying roots of everyone's behavior.Then we can lo ok at ourselves a little more realistically,namely not blaming ourselve s for the unwholesome roots,not patting ourselves on the back for the w holesome ones,but rather accepting their existence within us.We can al so accept others more clear-sightedly and have a much easier time relati ng to them.
We will not suffer from disappointments and we won't blame,because we won't live in a world where only black or white exists,either the t hree roots of unwholesomeness or their opposites.Such a world doesn't exist anywhere,and the only person to be like that is an Arahant.It's largely a matter of degree in everyone else.These degrees of good and e vil are so finely tuned,there's so little difference within the degree s in each one of us that it really doesn't matter.Everybody has the sa me job to do,to cultivate the wholesome tendencies and uproot the unwho lesome ones.
Apparently we're all very faculties to deal with them.The only dif ference is the length of training different.That too is an illusion.We're all having the same problems and also the same solutions that one h as had.Training which may have been going on for a number of lifetimes has brought about a little more clarity,that's all.
Clarity of thinking comes from purification of one's emotions,whic h is a difficult job that needs to be done.But it can only be done succ essfully when it isn't an emotional upheaval,but clear cut,straightfo rward work that one does on oneself.When it is considered to be just th at,it takes the sting out of it.The charge of "I'm so wonderful" or"I'm so terrible" is defused.We are neither wonderful nor terrible.Everyone is a human being with all the potential and all the obstruction s.If one can love that human being,the one that is "me" with all its faculties and tendencies,then one can love others realistically,useful ly and helpfully.But if one makes a break in the middle and loves the p art which is nice and dislikes the part which isn't nice enough,one's never going to come to grips with reality.
If we look at ourselves in that manner,we will learn to love oursel ves in a wholesome way."Just as a mother at the risk of life,loves an d protects her child..." Become your own mother!If we want to have a r elationship with ourselves that is realistic and conducive to growth,th en we need to become our own mother.A sensible mother can distinguish b etween that which is useful for her child and that which is detrimental.But she doesn't stop loving the child when it misbehaves.This may be t he most important aspect to look at in ourselves.Everyone,at one time or another,misbehaves in thought or speech or action.Most frequently i n thought,fairly frequently in speech and not so often in action.So wh at do we do with that?What does a mother do?She tells the child not to do it again,loves the child as much as she's always loved it and just gets on with the job of bringing up her child.Maybe we can start to bri ng up ourselves.
The whole of this training is a matter of maturing.Maturity is wisd om,which is unfortunately not connected to age.If it were,it would be very easy.One would have a guarantee.Since it is hard work,a job to b e done.First comes recognition,then learning not to condemn,but to un derstand."This is the way it is." The third step is change.Recogniti on may be the hardest part for most people;it's not easy to see what g oes on inside of oneself.This is the most important and the most intere sting aspect of contemplation.
We lead a contemplative life,but that does not mean we sit in medit ation all day long.A contemplative life means that one considers every aspect of what happens as part of a learning experience.One remains int rospective under all circumstances.When one becomes outgoing,one goes to the world with one's thoughts,speech and action.One needs to recol lect oneself and return within.In our way it's a combination of medita tion and lifestyle.The contemplative life goes on inside of oneself.On e can do the same thing with or without recollection.Contemplation is t he most important aspect of introspection.It isn't necessary to sit st ill all day and watch one's breath.Every move,every thought,every wo rd can give rise to understanding oneself.
This kind of work on oneself will bring about deep inner security,w hich is rooted in reality.Most people are wishing and hoping for this k ind of security,but are not even able to voice their longing.Living in a myth,constantly hoping or being afraid is opposed to having inner str ength.The feeling of security arises when one sees reality inside of on eself and thereby the reality in everyone else and comes to terms with i t.
The contemplative life is often lived heavy-handedly.A certain lack of joy is compensated for by being outgoing.This doesn't work.One sho uld cultivate certain light-heartedness,but stay within oneself.There's nothing to be worried or fearful about,nothing that is too difficul t.So we need a light-hearted approach to our own difficulties and those of everyone else,but not exuberance and outpouring.Rather a constant i nwardness,which contains a bit of amusement.This works best.If one ha s a sense of humor about oneself,it is much easier to love oneself prop erly.It's also much easier to love everybody else.
We sometimes think we can portray something we are not.That is not possible.People generally try to show themselves off as something bette r than they really are.Then,of course,they become disappointed in the mselves when they fail,and equally disappointed in others.To realistic ally know oneself makes it possible to truly love.That kind of feeling gives the light-heartedness to this job in which we're engaged,which i s needed.By accepting ourselves and others as we truly are,our job of purification,chipping away at the defilements,is made much easier.
愛自己是件很困難的事，這真是一種很奇怪的現象！或許有人以為這是世界上最容易的事，因為我們始終都在關心自己。我們總對能獲得多少，表現多好，如何舒適地生活懷有極大的興趣。那為何真正地愛自己就那麽難呢？
當然，愛自己並不意味著放縱自己。很多人都沒有真正地愛過自己，他們知道，很多東西並不是自己渴望就能得到。每個人都有很多想法，有不同反應和好惡。他們會認為：沒有這些，他們會更快樂。當一個人肯定自己某些方麵而厭惡其他方麵時，他就作出了判斷。於是，我們對自身不滿的方麵被壓製下去，不想去了解，也不想承認它的存在。這是非常有礙自己成長的方式。
討厭自己看似消極的一麵也是一種愚蠢的做法。每次這種消極麵出現的時候都要自責，從而使事情變得更為糟糕，恐懼和挑釁也隨之而來。若你想以一種平和的方式對待自己，裝作消極方麵——爭強好勝、脾氣暴躁、自負享樂等傾向都不存在，那是沒有裨益的。若我們如此偽裝自己，那就與現實相去甚遠，也就人為地把自己割裂了。這樣的人即使是健全的，給我們的外表印象也未必真實。我們都曾遇到過這樣的人，外表甜美得不切實際，因為那是經過偽裝和壓製的。自責並不奏效。這兩種情況下人們都把自己的反應傳達給別人。有些人指責他人真實或虛幻的缺點，甚至有時不把他們當做普通人。每個人都生活在一個虛幻的世界裏，這是由自負導致的，特別不真實。因為這裏的一切要麽太完美，要麽太糟糕。
唯一真實的是我們的心間藏有六個根源——三個善良的，三個邪惡的。後者是貪婪、憎惡和幻覺，與此同時，我們也擁有慷慨、仁慈和智慧。我們試著關注下麵這件事：如果一個人察覺到了這一點，並不因此而焦慮，那麽他就可以接受人人都有這六個根源的事實。當他發現自己身上也有這些根源時，再接受這一事實便很容易。這些是我們個人行為的內在根源。之後，我們會更客觀地看待自己，既不因有不健康的根而自責，也不因有健康的根而驕傲，而是欣然接受它們現存的方式。我們也可以更確定地接受別人，與他人相處得更輕鬆融洽。
我們不再受失望的折磨，也不再自責，因為我們不會生活在僅有黑白兩種色彩的世界中，即好或壞任意一方的三個根源。任何地方都不存在這樣的世界，隻有阿羅漢是唯一完美的人。事實上，這隻不過是程度問題。這個程度調整得近乎完美，以至使我們每個人心中好壞相區別的程度細微到可以忽略。培養善根，擯棄惡根，是人類的共同任務。
顯然，我們每個人各有不同。這也是一種幻覺。我們都麵臨相同的難題，也有相同的應對措施。受訓練的長度不同是我們的唯一區別。或許持續較久的訓練，讓我們更明白罷了。
淨化了的感情能使思維更清晰，這是一項有待達到卻又很難達到的境界。隻有當一個人感情清晰明確直率，才有望實現。當確定要那麽做時，就把針刺拔除。認為自己完美無缺或一無是處，就不可能實現。我們既非完美無缺也非一無是處，每個人集潛能和障礙於一身。如果一個人可以愛有某些才能傾向的“我”，那他也可以切實、有效而有益地愛他人。但如果將這兩部分割裂開，隻愛好的部分，而討厭壞的部分，那他永遠不會擁有現實。
如果我們以那種方式看待自己，也就學會了用健康的方式愛自己。“就像危難之時，母親關愛和保護自己的孩子。”做你自己的母親！如果我們想與自己建立一種真實的、有利於成長的關係，那我們需要成為自己的母親。明智的母親能辨別對孩子有益和有害的事物。但當孩子行為不端時，她還是會情不自禁地去愛他。這是待己方麵特別要注意的問題。人們時常都會有思想和言行不端之時，思想上最為常見，其次是言語上，再次是行為上。我們應對此采取什麽措施呢？一位母親又會怎麽做呢？她會告訴孩子別再那麽做，並仍會和從前一樣愛他，繼續養育他。我們也可以這樣對待自己，或許我們也便開始養育自己。
這個訓練的過程也是一個成熟的過程。成熟是一種與年齡無關的智慧。如果它們之間有關聯，那麽事情就會很簡單了，一個人的成熟就有了保障——到了一定年齡他必然會走向成熟。因為這是一份艱難的工作，一項有待完成的工作。首先要會識別，然後學著不再怨天尤人，而是以理解的心麵對一切，確信“事情本應如此”。第三步才是改變。對多數人來說，識別是最困難的一步，認清自己並非易事。這是沉思最重要也最有趣的方麵。
我們過著沉思的生活，但並不是說我們要終日靜坐沉思。沉思的生活是指我們要把生活中發生的一切都看成學習經驗的資源。無論在什麽情況下都應養成自省的習慣。當你外出時，你就帶著自己的思想和言行融入了這個世界。一個人需時常追憶往事並在內心細細品味。對於我們來說，這就是沉思與生活方式的結合。沉思的生活存於一個人的內心，不管是否有回憶的介入，他都可以做幾件相同的事。沉思是自省最重要的一個方麵，但整日無所事事，坐觀自己的呼吸並無必要。每一舉動、每一思想甚至每句話都能給你靈感，讓你更能理解自己。
對待自己的這種行為能給內心帶來一種根植於現實的安全感。多數人都渴望這種安全，但卻不能確切地表達出這種渴望。生活在虛幻中，持續的希望和恐懼是與擁有堅強的意誌相悖的。當一個人看到了自己內心的真實，同時也看到了其他人心中的真實，並與之達成諒解時，安全感便隨之而來。
沉思的生活通常很繁忙。某種樂趣的缺乏可以通過與人友好相處進行彌補，可往往事與願違。我們應培養一種輕鬆愉快的心境，但是隻限於內心。沒有什麽事情值得擔心和恐懼的，也沒有什麽事情是非常困難的。因此我們應以輕鬆的心情去麵對自己和他人遭遇的困難，但切勿過於外露。做一個內斂的人，懷有些許的愉悅心情，這樣會達到更好的效果。如果一個人在對待自己時有幽默感，就很容易正確地愛自己，同樣也更容易愛他人。
有時我們以為可以美化自己，那是不可能的。人們總是希望展現給別人的比真實的自己更完美。當然，當實現不了時，就會對自己和他人都感到失望。隻有真實地了解自己才能真正地愛自己。接受真實的自己和他人，我們的淨化工作——祛除心靈的雜質，才會更容易。
1.Judgment is____and while one likes one's positive attitudes,one dislikes the____.With that comes suppression of those aspect s of oneself that one is not pleased____.
2.The____of security arises when one____reality inside of oneself and thereby the reality____everyone else and comes to te rms with it.
3.We sometimes think we____portray something we are not.That is not possible.____generally try to show themselves off as someth ing better____they really are.
1.很多人都沒有真正地愛過自己，他們知道，很多東西並不是自己渴望就能得到。
2.對多數人來說，識別是最困難的一步，認清自己並非易事。
3.沒有什麽事情值得擔心和恐懼的，也沒有什麽事情是非常困難的。