梅利莎·內維利斯/Melissa Nevels
The summer I turned fourteen we were, my mother and I, living in Corpus Christi, Texas.We rented this little apartment on North Beach in June 1981.Just a few days after we moved in, I met this girl named Gina who lived with some people in a house behind us.I say“people,”because they were into some stuff I had very little knowledge of, in my innocence.They occasionally had a Jamaican guest who would come in, stay a few days, then leave.I realized some years later the significance of the Jamaican visitor.I didn’t know much about these people Gina lived with, and didn’t get to know them too well.There were always a lot of adults that hung around, but they usually were in the front part of the house where the music was, and left us to our own entertainment.
Gina lived with these people because, I guess you could say, she was homeless, in a sense, she was about a year and a half younger than me.Very pretty, beautiful smile, pretty blonde hair and big green eyes.But at thirteen, she knew far more about the streets than she should have.She didn’t know who her father was, and her mother was a drunk.She had an older sister who was married to a man in the navy, and lived in Connecticut.Nobody wanted Gina, except me.I loved her like a sister.
In the beginning, we bristled at each other on the school bus.Gina was a tough kid, and I guess as a defense mechanism, she always put on that tough-kid armor when necessary.After a week or so of school, we started talking.And since she was the only kid in the area my age, we really kind of fell in together.My folks were divorced and barely spoke unless they had to.I’d just moved 600 miles from the only home I’d ever known in Mississippi and I was homesick, and she had no real home.Once we realized we both had wounds to lick, it clicked, and we became inseparable.She was a grade beneath me, so we had no classes together.But as soon as we’d board the school bus in the afternoon until it was time for bed, we were together.
We lived on the beach.It was a five-minute walk from where we lived, just a matter of crossing the road.If it was warm, I’d get off the bus and hurriedly do my chores that had to be finished before my mom got home from work.Then quickly get into my bathing suit.We’d meet up with our towels and smokes and head for the sand.I’d just started smoking when I met Gina.She smoked, not surprisingly, and when I was with her, I didn’t think about what my mom would do if she found out.In a way, I guess I wanted to emulate her free spirit.It wasn’t years later that I realized the intense sadness she must have felt.
About midway into the school year, Gina’s sister asked her to come and live with them in Connecticut.I never understood why it took her so long to ask.She knew Gina’s circumstances and where she was living.Gina’s mom stayed drunk all the time, and I think they had a big failing out, and Gina left home.That’s when she came to live behind me.Her mom didn’t want her, at least that’s what Gina said.
So Gina left me.I was heartbroken.But at the same time, I was so happy that she was going to be with her sister.I thought that if she was with family, she’d be OK.We wrote each other letters at least twice a week, but four months later she came back.I got several stories from Gina as to why it didn’t work-out.I have my own theories.
Time went on, the school year was coming to a close, and my 15th birthday was just around the corner.My mom and I moved to Taft.Gina stayed behind with yet another person somewhere in corpus, but we wrote letters, and kept in touch.Taft was only 18 miles away.After we were there about 6 months, Gina was again without a place to live, and the nuns were looking for somebody to take her so she wouldn’t be placed in a foster home.The story I got is Gina started having a thing with the lady’s(that she lived with) 19-year-old son.Gina was just fourteen at the time, and she asked Gina to move.Actually, she saw this guy off and on for a while.Gina was loose.She was desperately looking for somebody to love her in the only way she knew how.And it cost her.
So we became her foster family, of sorts.I was worried.My mom and I were living so skimpily as it was.We barely had money to pay the bills, and a couple of times we had our electricity turned off for nonpayment.I was worried about having another person to feed.But I loved her, and my mom felt sorry for her.She could see a little of herself in Gina too.We had so much fun! We both soon had steady dates, and we went out together every weekend.We even played hooky together, even got caught once, was put in detention for a whole day, and we missed having our school pictures taken that day.In the school yearbook, for that year, where my picture should be, there’s a little character man with a barrel around his middle and a sign on it that says:“photo not available.”Actually, I believe it was one of the factors that started the beginning of the end to Gina’s stay with us.I think my mom was afraid she’d“rub off on me”.I’m a mom now and I can better understand.
Gina was wild, and you can’t cage a wild animal for long.She was with us about eight months.I remember it was winter again.Money was tight, and food was scarce.Gina liked the wild life.My mom didn’t allow the type of life, for a teenage girl, that she was used to.So Gina called someone else she knew, and made arrangements to leave us.
I remember the night she left.It was the last time I ever saw her.We’d shared a room for so many months, and it was so empty after she left.I missed her terribly.I remember her putting her stuff into the back of a white car.I’ll never forget watching her shut the lid down, and turning to me with a smile and saying,“Well, this is it, I guess.”I replied“Yeah...you take care of yourself.Don’t drink and smoke too much.”We laughed and hugged.She said,“Speak for yourself!”Then we cried.She’d been my best friend for the better part of two years and I knew, something inside me knew, that I would never see her again.
I didn’t get many letters this time.Just one from the place she went to from ours.Then about two years later, I got a letter from her, and she was in Missouri.She’d had a baby, by a married man.“But he loves me,”she wrote.I felt very sad, and wondered if she’d ever really find what she so desperately wanted.Or what she thought she wanted, but not necessarily what she needed.
I never heard from her again, after the second letter.I wrote back, but never got a response.To this day I don’t know what happened to her, if she’s alive, or where she is.When she left, she took part of me with her.We became like twins, and when she was gone, I felt like I’d lost something inside me.Something deep, spirit-like.She was so full of life, and didn’t dwell on her situation, at least not outwardly.And we were close, we shared everything.
I still think of her often, after all these years.Two young girls reaching womanhood on different paths.Yet each path familiar to the other.She still has the ability to make me smile, and appreciate all that I have and all that I am.
在我14歲的那年夏天，母親帶著我住在得克薩斯州的科珀斯克裏斯蒂港。1981年6月，我們在北海灘租下了這套小公寓。搬進去沒幾天，我遇到了一個叫金納的女孩，她與其他一些人住在我家公寓後麵的房子裏。我之所以稱那些人為“其他人”，是因為天真的我對他們的了解少得可憐。有時候，一些牙買加人會去拜訪那些人，他們在那所房子裏住幾天，然後就離開了。幾年後，我才了解了牙買加人的重要地位。對於與金納一起住的人，我了解得不太多，後來也沒有興趣去了解。許多成年人經常會聚在那所房子的附近，不過他們隻是在那所房子門外的前麵，那裏有音樂，我們這些孩子則自由地玩耍。
金納比我小一歲半，我想，人們會說，她是因為在某種意義上無家可歸，才與這些人住在一起的。金納是一個長相漂亮的女孩，有著美麗的笑容、漂亮的金發和藍色的眼睛。雖然才13歲，可是她對街道的熟悉程度已經超出了同齡孩子。金納不知道她的父親是誰，她的媽媽是一個酒鬼。金納有一個姐姐住在康涅狄格州，姐姐的丈夫是一個海員。除了我，沒有人要金納，我就像對待妹妹一樣愛護著金納。
起初，在學校的公車上，我與金納總是怒目而視。金納是一個性格強硬的孩子，必要的時候總是擺出一副凶惡小孩的架勢，我想這是她采取的一種自我保護。在學校裏過了一周多，我們開始說話了。因為在住的地方，隻有我們兩個孩子年紀相仿，於是很快就變得形影不離了。我的父母離婚了，除非有什麽非談不可的事情外，他們兩個從來不說話。金納沒有一個真正的家，而我隻是從600公裏以外的密西西比的家搬到了現在的這個地方，不過我想念以前的家。當意識到我們兩個人有著同樣的傷痛時，我和金納走到一起，成了無法分開的朋友。我和金納不在一個班級上課，她比我低一個年級，然而從下午放學坐上學校公車直到晚上上床睡覺前的這段時間，我們都在一起。
我們住在海灘上，在天氣暖和的時候，我就會在下了學校公車後匆忙跑回家裏，把家務活做完，因為這些活在母親下班回家之前必須幹完。做完家務，我飛快地穿上泳衣，與金納碰頭後，就一起拿著毛巾，一邊抽著煙一邊向沙灘走去。沙灘離我們的住處也就5分鍾的路程，穿過一條馬路就到了。金納吸煙，這一點也不足為奇，認識金納後，我也開始吸煙了，我從不去想，如果母親發現了這件事情將會作何反應。在某種程度上，我猜自己隻是想效仿她所具有的瀟灑氣質。多年以後，我才認識到金納的內心所承受的巨大悲傷。
大概過了半個學年，金納的姐姐讓她過去與她們一起在康涅狄格州生活。金納的姐姐知道她的處境和住所，我不明白她為什麽過了這麽長時間才叫金納過去。金納的母親一直酗酒，我想金納一定是過不下去了，才離家出走，此後她就住在了我家後麵。至少金納自己說過，她的母親不要她了。
金納的離開令我非常傷心，同時，我也為她能同姐姐一起生活而感到高興。我想，她與家人在一起，生活會過得好些。在一周內，我們至少通兩次信。4個月後，她又回來了，並給我講了幾件使她不想繼續住下去的事，我對這些事卻另有看法。
時間如流水般逝去，一學年馬上就要結束了，我也即將迎來自己的15歲生日。母親帶我搬到了18英裏以外的塔夫特，金納與另外一個人繼續住在科珀斯，但我們仍然通信保持聯係。我們搬走6個月後，金納又一次沒有地方可住了，修女們就開始尋找可以收養她的人，那樣她就不用去孤兒院了。後來，我聽說金納被一個女人收養了，不久就和那個女人的19歲的兒子有了曖昧關係，那時她才14歲。發生這件事情後，那個女人就讓金納搬走了。事實上，在從那個家搬出來之後，金納仍不時地與那個男的見麵。金納的生活很不檢點，她非常想找一個人，以自己所知道的方式愛她，並為此付出了代價。
在某種意義上，我們成為了金納的收養人這件事，引起了我的憂慮。因為我與母親的生活本來就是捉襟見肘，幾乎沒錢支付賬單，有幾次就因為支付不起電費而被斷電。我愛金納，母親從金納的身上也多少看到了自己的不幸，因此也同情她，然而我很擔心家裏的狀況無法再多養活一個人。我們在一起的日子很快樂，不久各自都有了男朋友，並且每個周末都要一起出去。我們甚至一起逃學，有一次被抓到了，被關了一整天的禁閉，因此錯過了拍校照。在那年學校的年鑒上，照片上本該有我的地方被放了一個腰間係著鏡頭筒的卡通人物，並注著：“沒有照片”。我認為，那事實上成為了金納不能與我們繼續住在一起的原因之一，母親不想我被她影響。我現在已經成了母親，更能體會這種心情了。
金納是一個野性的女孩，無法忍受長時間的管製。她與我們住在一起的時間大概有8個月，我記得那是一個冬天，家裏經濟拮據，食物不夠吃。金納喜歡無人管束的生活，並且已經習慣了那種生活，而母親不允許一個十幾歲的女孩子過那種生活。於是，金納給一個熟識的人打了一個電話後，就收拾行李離開了我們。
金納離開的那個夜晚，我仍然記得，那是我最後一次見到她。幾個月以來，我們共用一個房間，她走以後，房間顯得空落落的，我非常想念她。我永遠不會忘記那個情景，她把行李放進一部白色轎車的後行李箱中，關上蓋子後，轉過來對我笑了笑說：“好吧，我們後會有期吧！”我回答說：“你要保重！不要抽那多煙，也不要喝那麽多酒了！”然後，我們大笑著相互擁抱在一起。金納接著說：“你也是，也不要抽那麽多煙，喝那麽多酒了！”我們兩個都哭了。在這兩年的美好時光中，她一直是我最好的朋友，我內心深處有一種預感，我再也不會見到金納了。
金納剛剛搬到那個地方的時候給我寫了一封信，從此以後，就很少寫信給我。大約兩年以後，我收到了她的一封信，得知她住在密蘇裏州，與一個已婚男人有了一個小孩，她說那個男人很愛她。我為她感到傷心，並且想知道她是否真正找到了非常渴望的愛情。或者，她真正需要的並不是她自認為想要的。
後來，金納又給我寫了一封信，自那以後，我就再也沒有收到她的來信。我給她寫了回信，然而卻沒有任何音信。直到今天，我仍然不知道她在哪裏，究竟發生了什麽事情，是否還活著。我與金納就好像雙胞胎姐妹，她的離開帶走了我身體的一部分，她離開以後，我感覺自己的內心好像被掏空了一塊，好似是深處的靈魂被掏走了。至少從表麵上來看，金納是一個很有生命活力的女孩，從來不為生活憂愁。我們曾經分享一切，是那麽親密的朋友。
盡管已經過去很多年了，我仍然會經常想起她。兩個不同道路上的年輕女孩一起走向成熟，而且我們熟悉彼此的道路。金納欣賞我的全部和我所擁有的一切，而她能使我微笑。
1.金納是一個長相漂亮的女孩，有著美麗的笑容、漂亮的金發和藍色的眼睛。
2.在某種程度上，我猜自己隻是想效仿她所具有的瀟灑氣質。
3.金納是一個野性的女孩，無法忍受長時間的管製。
4.她離開以後，我感覺自己的內心好像被掏空了一塊，好似是深處的靈魂被掏走了。
1.bristle at: If you bristle at someone, you may be very cautious.
2.feel sorry for: If you feel sorry for him, you should apologize.
3.make arrangements: If you make arrangements well, you’ll have enough time arriving there.